fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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