Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
