My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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