my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
