she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
