Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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