I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
