He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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