You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
