and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
