I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize
