I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
