He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
