Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
