Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
