we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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