Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
