I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
