If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
so much tequila, so little girl.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
