So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
