I CAN MOONWALK!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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