I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
