I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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