I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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