yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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