half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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