Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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