k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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