and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
