guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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