I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My penis needs a shock collar
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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