He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
