Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
