Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
