she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
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My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
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soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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