Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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