so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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