I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
