I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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