I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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