you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
