I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
