Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
