He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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