Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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