I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
