so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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