I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
