Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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