I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
