He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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