Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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