sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
