Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
