wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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