So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
