id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
