my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
