honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
