I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
