drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im part way to drunk.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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