Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
