God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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