$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
