I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
