I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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