I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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