He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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