Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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