I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
