i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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