Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
