this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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