i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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